This is going to sound very odd and perhaps offensive to some of the more liberal Asian readers, but after reading Suzy’s comments I thought it was time to post on this topic.
Maybe you never experienced racism or maybe you’re just ignorant of the fact that it exist but however u grew up, u were just lucky. Maybe all the white people in your neighborhood put on a good facade for you and u never had to see their true racist face.
Why does racial acceptance not matter? I have called Georgia home since the end of the Vietnam War, though I had temporary residences in other states. Southerners are a very independent group of people. The elderly talk of a time when your nearest neighbor was 5 miles away and the only way to get there was on horseback or by walking. As a result of being geographically isolated most southerners keep to themselves. It’s part of local culture that exists today. People tend to mind their own business, dislike government intrusion, home owners association covenants, and zoning. I’m sure that independence goes back to a time when you could only depend on yourself and your immediate family.
Some of my relatives live in California, a very liberal state. They tend to have liberal attitudes on many things which I do not completely understand. One recent conversation questioned why I wanted to put in for a temporary transfer to the office in Paris or London. International travel has always fascinated me, and if you work for a large enough company they way to move up quickly is to transfer from office to office as higher ranking positions open up. My relatives wanted to know why I wanted to live in a third world country like France or the UK when the single state of California has the economic power of the all the states of Germany. Why live in a place where you would not be accepted by the local people? I found that last question odd, since I have friends and friends of friends in many European countries. My relative said that because I’m not white and I’m not a native Frenchman or Englishman I would never be accepted. My friends over there accept me and any co-workers would be subordinate to me since I would be representing the home office. Then I was told that the whole society wouldn’t accept me. What would that matter? My relative said that is the goal to fit in, then blend in, and be accepted by everyone. No reason why, but apparently that’s how Californians think. I’ve run into that same attitude many times in my travels there. Strangely enough, southerners don’t share the same need to be accepted by everyone.
Why be accepted by society at large? Do punk rockers want to be accepted? No. Do straight edger’s want to be accepted? No. There are many counter cultures out there that exist happily without the acceptance or approval of the whole. These groups have their own happy social circles and can interact with the rest of society in most cases. This is why I believe racial acceptance does not matter.
If we step back and take a look at our daily interactions with people we can break it down into three general categories, co-workers, friends/family, and personal business.
Your co-workers are people that you see, or at least deal with, every day. These are people that you know and who know you. Everyone at a company has goals set by their management which the workers attempt to accomplish. Your co-workers and management are more than likely interested in how well you do your job. Respect is earned by displaying your competency, proactively taking on new tasks, and being the proverbial team player. Since we do not live in a caste system, it can be assumed that if your co-workers or your supervisors have a problem with you, then you will move on and find a place that you are more of a cultural fit. If you prefer jeans and t-shirts, a silicon valley start up or a small company is more likely your speed than a Big 4 accounting firm. In business race is something that doesn’t matter today. Profit is the motivation of any corporation and your ability to make money for the corporation is how you will be judged. With today’s technology it is possible for you to work anywhere and potentially never meet many of your co-workers. I have supervised employees in other countries. I have hired people I have never met in person. Since I don’t know what they look like I certainly can’t draw any conclusions based on how they dress, what color their eyes are, how tall they are, or what color their skin is. When dealing with remote workers you have to draw performance metrics from statistical data, such as number of customer calls handled per hour, or number of lines of code a programmer writes. As for those out there who can’t work in such jobs such as theatre and artsy types? Maybe it’s time to choose different professions until you’re wealthy, then retire and chase your dreams. My mother taught me that in Vietnam having money is essential since “tipping” is essential to getting anything done. You have to choose an occupation that provides high income so you can afford to pay the right people to have your way. If you want your car fixed quickly, you need to “tip” your mechanic to move you to the front of the line. If you want your Sheriff to deal with a crime problem, you need to have the money to “contribute to his reelection campaign fund” so he pays attention to your issues. Work relationships seem to be easy to comprehend and win at in my view.
The next category of personal relationships is your friends and family. Family is self explanatory, so I’m not going to spend much time on why they automatically accept you. Friends are people that you have met in various stages of your life. Obviously they accept you for who you are or what you can do for them otherwise they wouldn’t hang out with you. The latter could be professionals who are part of a social network that refer each other to good jobs or educational opportunities. You’re not necessarily interested in anything but a professional relationship, but this differs from the co-worker/supervisor/subordinate relationship mentioned above. Friends are very cliquey and tend not to relate to others outside their clique. For example, when you and your friends are hanging out at a bar/nightclub you are not actively seeking to interact with anyone other than your friends. This is why not only racial acceptance does not matter, but acceptance period does not matter. You are with your friends and you’re having fun. If you’re trying to hook up with someone, sure I can agree that acceptance is important there, but that is seeking relations outside the three major types that I have outlined. On the other hand if you’re just having fun with your friends and someone else wants to approach you, then you might have a new friend to add to your clique. I have enough friends, so I’m not going to be just walking up to strangers striking up conversation. Therefore, when in a public forum with friends racial acceptance does not matter.
The last major category of people is those you do personal business with. These are people you meet in your daily life, but you don’t really know or want to know. The person at Starbuck’s is a good example. You are paying them for a service and if they do a good job you might tip them, provided they don’t spit in your food. I’m not interested in talking to them beyond the “Hello, how are you today?” exchange of pleasantries. Do they honestly care how your day is going? Do you honestly care about their day? If you answered yes to either of these I believe you are delusional. Think about how intimate the word “care” is when compared to how your friends and family “care” about you. If they don’t know your name, then they obviously aren’t involved enough in your life to care. Just make my frackin’ latte and don’t talk to me. Do I care if you’re Korean, Chinese, Indian, or Pakistani? No, I don’t. Light starch on the shirts, and don’t damage the delicate fabrics, thank you Mr. Dry Cleaner. Do I care if you’re an old white guy or a young black guy? No, Mr. Senator, here is your campaign check now deal with my political issues. This category of people does not care about you. They want to deal with you and they want you to go away. You pay their wages and would they really want to get to know you? I doubt it. People you do personal business with are more than likely those that take up a large amount of your time outside the office. To gain their acceptance is highly irrelevant. Think about how important the cashier at K-Mart or your barista at Starbuck’s is? Do you hang out with them? Would you invite them over for dinner or a BBQ?
This whole notion of racial acceptance is greatly exaggerated in importance. If you step back and think about how different people influence your day-to-day activities you will find the people that matter will accept you for who you are. I am not concerned if the Klansman or the Skinhead fixing my truck likes me or not. They’re going to like me because I’m contributing to their paycheck. If they do shoddy work because I’m Asian, then I’ll go somewhere else and give them my money. I can respect business owners and workers for doing their job. I don’t need to respect them for anything else if my relationship with them is business only. I can actually have respect for a Skinhead who will work on anyone’s vehicle and do a good job because he has pride in what he does. I respect him as a mechanic, not a person. He is not a person. He’s a guy that works on my truck. We are defined by our occupations and the execution of that occupation. With work taking up 10-12 hours of every American’s day, is there anything other than our occupation that defines us? If 40%-50% of your day is your work, do you have an identity beyond your job since only 4 hours a day belong to you for individual expression? Is a 4 hour bigot different than a 16 hour bigot?
I believe that if you consider how unimportant the rest of the world that you do not know personally is, you will see that acceptance of any type beyond your work group and your social group is meaningless.